Hurt People Heal People: The Mindset Shift That Can Transform Your Life with Stephen Oommen
What if the very things that once made someone feel like an outsider could become their greatest strengths?
In this powerful conversation, Stephen Oommen shares how growing up without belonging to any "tribe" taught him adaptability, empathy, and the ability to step into anyone's world. From facing racism and identity struggles to transforming defensive coping mechanisms into professional superpowers, Stephen’s story is both raw and inspiring.
The episode explores the “Chameleon Effect,” the belief that hurt people heal people, and the three questions every 18-year-old, and every adult, should ask themselves to discover their purpose and monetize their talents.
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
Stephen’s boldest choice: becoming proud of who he is and fully comfortable in his own skin.
How growing up between cultures and outside of every “tribe” shaped his empathy and adaptability.
The Chameleon Effect: shifting from blending in as a defense to using adaptability as a superpower.
“Hurt people heal people”, why healing yourself first is key to helping others.
The three career questions everyone should answer: What are you naturally great at? Do you love it? Can you monetize it?
Why passion alone isn’t enough, monetization matters.
How basketball became his sanctuary, kept him grounded, and saved his life.
Choosing to live the mamba mentality, being the best version of yourself every day.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
“Be a chameleon, and that doesn’t mean fake. It means adapt while staying true to yourself.” - Courtney Turich
“Hurt people can heal people. Which side of the spectrum do you want to be on?” - Courtney Turich
“Just because you’re passionate about something doesn’t mean the money will flow in, we’re told that, but it’s not always true.” - Courtney Turich
“We all have to be the best versions of ourselves, because that’s how we connect with others.” - Courtney Turich
“Be bold, be confident, and be you.” - Courtney Turich
“The bold choice was becoming proud of who I am and comfortable with me.” - Stephen Oommen
“Hurt people heal people, because you can’t help others heal until you’ve done the work yourself.” - Stephen Oommen
“At first, being a chameleon was a defense mechanism. Now, it’s my superpower.” - Stephen Oommen
“Find what you’re naturally great at, make sure you love it, and figure out how to monetize it.” - Stephen Oommen
“Basketball was my sanctuary, it kept me grounded and saved my life.” - Stephen Oommen
About Stephen
Stephen brings over 25 years of GTM experience across entrepreneurship, finance, and tech leadership. With success in both B2B and B2C across diverse industries, he offers a rare, well-rounded perspective. As an award-winning seller and sales leader, he embodies The JOLT Effect with a customer-first, empathetic approach, shaped by his time on both sides of the deal. Now CEO of ExecuComm, Stephen helps companies refine GTM strategies to drive revenue. A passionate Go-to-Network advocate, he believes lasting business success is built on real relationships.
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BLOG TRANSCRIPT
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Stephen Oommen: Hey, it's your friend and host Courtney Turich, and welcome to Bold Moves, confident Choices, the podcast where we own our path, make fearless decisions, and get real about what it takes to turn bold ideas into reality.
Courtney Turich: All right. I want everyone to get ready because today's guest is here to flip the script on how we think about sales and leadership. I'm excited to introduce Stephen Oommen, who is a powerhouse go-to market leader, a keynote speaker and champion of the go-to network movement with leadership roles at Microsoft Outreach, and now a leader and the Accenture, Microsoft Division.
He's building high performing teams and proven that warm relationships. Beat cold calls. You heard it beat cold calls. If you're ready to ditch that outdated tactic and build real connections, it is time to listen to this episode and learn about Stephen's bold moves. So without further ado, Stephen, I am so excited to have you here today.
Stephen Oommen: Thank you so much for having me, Courtney. I really appreciate you.
Principles Scale, Tactics Don’t: Why Being Yourself Wins Every Time
Courtney Turich: Of course. Before we jump into some bold moves on your side, can you just share a little bit more about you and your background?
Stephen Oommen: Yeah. the best thing for the audience to probably know, or they might be most interested in is 25 years of go to market sales experience.
I started a very young age, First sales gig was selling cell phones at 16 years old in the territory quota caring. So, I feel like I've sold everything under the sun, but my background professionally has been 99.9% revenue generating type of roles. and now I'm loving the leadership game.
I'm loving the speaking, and I just want to impact this world and impact this profession to help us. Sell better, be better and look at things from a buyer's perspective.
Courtney Turich: So Steven, it's interesting because you're more on the tech side. I'm on the medical device side and it, I always hear from a lot of people there's a lot of similarities and how we have to be, it's a very competitive landscape and we always have to be on our toes.
Our, so you mentioned making impact. Share with me a little bit how you're doing that.
Stephen Oommen: Oh, I love this. I'd say the biggest thing is actually based on a saying that I constantly say which is principle scale tactics don't, and what do I mean by that?
Courtney Turich: Yeah.
Stephen Oommen: I am a big believer in humanity, right? I believe that AI revolution, I believe in technology.
I come from tech. I totally get it right. But here's what I have come to find out, because I just see this so often. This is what it's rooted in, or one of the many things the statement is rooted in. Why is it that two people, two sellers can do the exact same thing? They can write the same email, they can have the same script, they can have the same everything, supposedly, and they get vastly different results.
And the truth of the matter is, if I were to say this to you, and it would sound offensive at first till I finished the statement, if I go, Courtney, you can't do what I do. That in and alone in alone and of itself could cost the eyeballs to like, wait, what's he, where's he going? But the additional, point to that is, I can't do what you do, Courtney.
And why is that? Because we're not each other. Everyone does the same thing a little bit differently. So when I think about impact, I wanna be able to help the entire profession, the entire world, think through their own tactics, create their own tactics that are unique to them, because it's principles that scale, like there are basics and fundamentals we all know of, but what makes this world, this life, this profession so fun is the fact that.
We don't actually have to copy someone else. We actually have to understand ourselves better so we can bring that to the table. And I don't think most people either understand how to do that, or they're so busy hearing every guru out there say, here's a framework, here's a way to do things. And the truth of the matter is everything works, nothing doesn't.
Courtney Turich: Okay, Steven, if I'm hearing you correctly, you are telling me that I just need to be myself at the end of the day.
Stephen Oommen: Two a hundred percent. And there's a very unique perspective that I bring when I say be yourself. And it actually ties into why I am writing this upcoming book called The Chameleon Effect, and it boils down to that sentiment right there in terms of just be yourself.
The Real Chameleon Effect: Adapting Without Losing Yourself
Courtney Turich: I am loving this already because you mentioned the word chameleon and my light bulbs go off, Steven, because I always classify myself as a chameleon, and when I say chameleon and tell me if this is the logic of where you're going is I'm very adaptable to various situations. I know how to read my audience.
I know how to pivot, turn, but be myself all at the same time. Am I aligning with you on that word or share more?
Stephen Oommen: Yeah, I think you're spot on. And I'll go a couple, levels deeper to help people clarify in their minds what that means. Because the word chameleon can come off as fake or inauthentic because most people think chameleons are changing who they are.
And what I'm simply saying is let's reclaim this word chameleon and be on the offensive and think of it this way. What a chameleon actually does is it goes into an environment, looks at the environment, and it doesn't change who the chameleon is. A chameleon is still a chameleon if you actually think about the animal, and they change their colors to blend in to be part of the environment.
While some may think that's, more of a defensive mechanism, and it, and it was at one point in my life, here's the way that I always explain it, and it's my version slash my belief or definition of authenticity. It's not changing who you are to adapt to a situation. It's being wise enough to choose the skills, the strengths, and the part of you that yields the best results for the environment that you're in and for the people you are speaking with.
I use this following example quite a bit. So I've got some young kids and at the end of the day, if you take fourth quarter basketball playing, Stephen, super intense. You know we're in a huddle. There's two seconds left on the clock. I want the ball. I want that last, last shot. I'm super intense. I'm saying words to my teammates.
I'm hyping hyping them up. If I take that Stephen. Now it's seven 30 bedtime, and I'm trying to use that Stephen to put my toddlers and my babies to bed. They probably won't sleep for a week. And in reverse, if I try to talk to my teammates in the middle of that huddle and say, Hey guys, let's just have a wonderful last shot.
they'd look at me like I'm crazy. Both versions of me are 100% authentic, 100% me, but I'm choosing the sides of me that someone gets to see in that moment. So if you really wanna show up authentically in the world in, this is just my opinion, and if I wanna show up authentically and I want someone to see the whole me, it's not about bringing all of me to every situation.
It's about allowing that person to see all of me through different situations in my life, which means I invite them into my life. Dinners, work, other things. But again, that's the wisdom that we have to have in our choices, and so that's to me what it means to really be a true chameleon.
Courtney Turich: Stephen, this is another reason why I brought you on the show, because when we first met, I aligned with everything you were saying and your explanations like this gets me so excited because if people can really figure this out and really be able to adapt in that chameleon mentality while being themself, it's one of the most powerful traits you can have as a sales professional.
Stephen Oommen: A hundred percent. There's a saying, and I just read it recently in, one of my meditations and devotions where people say like, be all things to all people.
And that's very difficult to do if you take it dramatically. For what? Grammar's sake. that wasn't actually, I think the full intent. Right. But the point is this, so what I say is you might not be able to be all things to all people, but you can be something to everyone. If we can cut down the tribes, we can cut down the divisions, we can cut down the barriers.
What happens is, when all came about, the actual, one of the impetuses for me, even writing the book was a question that people consistently asked, which was, was it, you seem to go into any environment, doesn't matter about religion, race, gender, socioeconomic path, like any of that, any environment.
And you seem to be able to connect with anybody and everybody, and that's the real power of this, is teaching people how to be able to do that. That's what it means to be something. You can be something to everyone because you just have to step into their world. And if you understand enough about yourself.
You'll find something in them that you are just fascinated with. And none of this is new by the way. Right? What's the old, right. Saying if you want to be interesting, be interested. Yes. Like there's a, there's a million variations to say the same thing, right? Yeah.
Courtney Turich: Wow. Okay. Again, this is just so great because I think of so many people.
Back to your point of I'm doing all the right things I am following up when I should be following up, and essentially I'm being the robot and the robot doesn't always work. There is a huge, you know, we hear a lot about EQ, emotional intelligence. And this is all coming together while you can be the robot, but if you don't bring yourself and you can't read the room, you can't have a level of EQ, forget about it.
Because you're gonna lose more, more often than not. Did I say that right?
Stephen Oommen: think you're spot on and here's what that actually means, right? So I'll give you the example in my world as a sales leader because of what we do, my team, our entire organization. Is an implementation partner of Microsoft,
And so at the end of the day, we do go to clients and work with them individually, but usually it's in conjunction with Microsoft because if they're not buying Microsoft products, they don't do that. So here's a question that I consistently ask my team. This is why the go to network motion, the go to network, agenda, whatever you want to call it, just basically warm intros, referrals, networking.
Anything you think about when it comes to partnerships falls under this question or some variation of the following question. Here's what I ask. Why would the Microsoft seller put you not Accenture, not Avanan, not the company, but you in front of their customer? And that's the unique difference that we have to be able to answer to.
If we're asking someone for a warm referral, when we're networking, would someone else be proud to put us in front of everyone else? And that's why when you just said like two people doing the same thing, a lot of it's based in intention and just who they are. Although many people may not believe that, they'll be like, well, it's just an email, or it's just a, it's all digital.
I think there's a lot that happens behind the scenes that people don't see that make a digital tactic actually work, and so they just see the tactic, but they don't understand all the background stuff around what those people have done to surround it. That's a unique human thing that each person brings to the table.
Owning Your Identity and Turning Pain into Power
Courtney Turich: All right, Steven, I could be talking sales with you all day and I have so many light bulbs going off, but now it's time that I actually need to ask you the big question, and that is, what would you say was the bold move or confident choice that took things for you personally or professionally to the next level?
Stephen Oommen: You know, that's such a hard question 'cause there's multiple moments. So I'll maybe mash some of them together into this statement, when I decided to be proud of who I am and making sure that I am comfortable with me. That's probably the bold choice. There's a lot of things that impacted through the ups and downs, but what I mean by that is when I think about being uniquely me and realizing, okay, I'm comfortable with me, so it's no longer about me the way that impacts is now, when I can step into other people's world, it is truly about them because it's no longer about me.
Again, I think that bold choice is getting very, very comfortable that I'm okay and it takes work and I have still have my ups and downs. I still have insecurities like nobody's business, but overall that work and the choice. And so, that's how I'd probably answer it in terms of the actual fundamental, psychological and true choice, that I think changed things for me.
Courtney Turich: So how did you actually get yourself to that point? What tactics did you use? What did you go through to get there?
Stephen Oommen: Yeah, I'll give a little bit of background because I think this may help others. Regardless whether you have the same exact story. What I do think is everyone struggles with their identity and who they are and who they're supposed to be.
For me, mine is rooted in my skin color, the way that I look, some different things and tragedies I had to endure growing up, So I was born and raised in Oklahoma. it was in a time where it was highly racist. people treated me a certain way because they did not know who or what I was from an outside perspective.
I was one of the only minorities in my school, and by the outside looking in, most people looked at me and they thought I was African American, And so net of it is my parents actually immigrated from India and I'm actually full blood Indian. So growing up, when you think about tribes and you think about, you know how people operate in a predominantly Caucasian world,
know, I had to assimilate or they didn't accept me because I wasn't one of them in the Indian world. I wasn't born in India, so even Indians didn't fully accept me because I didn't have the accent, the language, the things of that nature. And talking about like elementary school years, junior high, things of that nature. Very different world today. and so you start looking at all these areas and I didn't actually fit in anywhere, even when I would say, Hey, I'm Indian. The first question would be what tribe? Because people are thinking Native Americans, not from India.
So anywhere I went, I just felt alone. What happens is this happens regardless of the situation. Many of us feel alone, like we're all by ourselves and we enter into this identity crisis, which will be the title of my second book by the way. But none of it is that was the root, and I had to do a lot of work.
And so how that now impacts is this. I remember one scenario where, I mean, I went home crying. I asked someone like, why are people treating me this way? And I won't go through this, the actual story, but unless we have time and, and there's time for it. But here's the point. Somebody said to me, hurt people.
Hurt people. So it gave me a little bit of empathy. But as I grew up, what I realized is this hurt people. Heal people. Because what it is, is the in-between is hurt. People need to get healed. Unless you've been healed, it's hard to help other people heal. So if you haven't been through that tragedy, you can't actually be healed.
So it's actually healed people, heal people, but if you take that out, it actually starts with the hurt. And so now in my mind, whenever I look at someone, if they're going through something, I'm like, hmm, there's a story here. And that to me is my story. Hurt people, heal people.
Courtney Turich: That is so powerful and it has me actually reflecting on some scenarios in my life, some scenarios for my son and what he's gone through.
And as I've seen his evolution and his change, that's Wow. Hurt people, help people.
Wow. Thank you for that so much, Steven. So. Beyond, as you say, you've gone through the process. You've had to go through the various, the various ways of healing yourself. If anyone is out there, and I'm sure there is because all of us have gone through these scenarios in various capacities. So thank you for sharing your story of, of what you've had to reflect on.
How did you overcome that?
Stephen Oommen: Yeah, so the way I think that I overcame it, like this is, this is me, right? I think most people go through like the story arc, right? And this is why the chameleon effect is so powerful for me because at first being a chameleon was a defense mechanism. It was a defense. Me, I was just trying to fit in.
I was the blender. I'm just trying to assimilate. But during that process, I gained skills. I started to learn. I started to do all these things. Then what ended up happening is I realized, and as I deconstruct where my successes has come from, what changes the intention, but really what ended up happening is all of those defensive mechanisms now became superpowers, which is adaptability, flexibility, stepping into people's world, right?
And so when I understood this whole hurt people. Like what they're going through. Hurt people. Hurt people. If you step into their world that there was a moment when I was 16 years old, like this was the, the scenario I was talking about, I was in. So like the, what I had just gone through was so traumatic and I realized once this person told me this, what was that other individual going through?
What was that boy going through at home to treat me with such disregard? That's not in, I think humans are innately good, but to have that taintedness toward another human being, I became empathetic toward that person. 'cause I just never knew and I still don't know to this day. Right. So I think that's one of the things where when you talk about the actual change and it just clicked, it's starting to see those successes along the way.
That's when you start realizing, oh my gosh, my story got me here. You're, you start to be okay with it, right?
Courtney Turich: You know, it goes back to that whole philosophy. You never know what somebody's going through on the other side. And if you really can keep that at the forefront, but also reflect, reflect on. Your, you, your words of hurt people, hurt people or hurt people, help people.
Which, where do you wanna be on the spectrum?
Stephen Oommen: Yeah. And I take it to the, the whole other end. It's heal people. Right. Because like, that's the healing that we need. It's, I feel like it's even more powerful of a word. Hurt people. Heal people.
Courtney Turich: Yeah.
Stephen Oommen: But that's obviously where, where we want to be. And imagine if we walked around the world being those type of individuals, man, world would be such a better place.
Right. Seems altruistic and woo woo and all that, but I mean, it's still true.
The Three Questions That Can Change Your Life (and Bank Account)
Courtney Turich: Agree. I agree. So Steven, so as we're going through this, you know, you've gone through a lot in your life and this question, I'm really excited to hear what this answer is to this question for you is, what would you tell your 18-year-old self today knowing what you do know now?
Stephen Oommen: Hmm. I'm gonna take a hard left and share something that has nothing to really do with the entire conversation. 'cause as you said that question, I was like, I know exactly what I'd tell my 18-year-old self. And it's more from a perspective of strength, sweetness says monetization and all this stuff. So it, so if you're, if you're watching this, expect a little bit of a hard love.
So here's what I would tell. I would say figure out three different things. One, what are you so ridiculously good at that people would pay you to? Like what are you just naturally good at? Number two is, do you actually enjoy doing that? Like, is that your passion? Because when people say, oh, just chase your passions, um, and you'll, you'll do well in life.
I don't necessarily believe that to be true. You have to first be naturally good at it. You actually have to have passion for it. And this third one is, is it, how do you monetize it? So. I don't want to use analogies, but I'll just use an analogy for example. So please don't like you're sending me hate mail about what I'm about to say.
This is just an analogy that's just popping into my head. Like let's say I love books and I want to be a librarian. If I also want to be wealthy or whatnot, maybe just being a librarian isn't synonymous with being like just the pays not there. Right. But if I start Amazon, like back in the day as a book reseller, maybe, how do you monetize it?
You see the point. So all I'm saying I do is if we do all three of those, I would've been a keynote speaker from the very beginning. I'm naturally good at it. It sounds borderline arrogant. I just say confident, but maybe arrogant. Like I know I'm great on stage. I'm really good at it. I can move an audience and I could get paid doing it because I'm actually giving someone an outcome in a short amount of time.
Large transformation, short amount of time. That's what I realized about myself, and so that's where the second half of my career is going. Imagine if I had known that at 18.
Courtney Turich: I love this pivot that you did towards the end, because I think we could all go back and from your previous story and know that you would tell yourself, hurt people, heal people.
Right? Like you shared that with us. But this pivot you made is also so powerful because I'm going to share with the audience. When we first connected, you brought this to the forefront for me, and ever since you asked me these questions of what you would tell your 18-year-old self. What am I good at?
Right? I have not stopped thinking about it and it really, for me, it is crazy to think how much, again, we align in so many ways, but mine is very similar to yours. I know I'm a good salesperson. I love, I'm passionate in front of customers. I love to help their problems. I love to be inquisitive. I love to see how I can help them.
So I want. Everyone out there to be reflecting on these questions for yourself, and you bring up the point. Just because you're passionate about something doesn't mean the money's gonna come flowing in. We're told that.
Stephen Oommen: I'm gonna just joke around like, what do y'all notice in my background? You can see it the ba. I am passionate about the game of basketball. Right now I got like a two inch vertical. I'm a decent shooter. I'm not making the league. I'm not making the league, right? So even if I want to coach, play whatever.
Probably not gonna pay the bills for me, but hopefully that example, uh, makes a few people chuckle, but, uh, passion and monetization doesn't always all align.
Courtney Turich: So, Stephen, so because backs basketball shows up around all of you and all of your branding, can you just share why you do basketball? Have a basketball?
Stephen Oommen: Yeah. Um, it honestly, it, it, it's so hilarious. It starts out of being alone. When I was a kid, didn't have any friends. My dad, you know, bought me a hoop and I would just shoot and play for hours because it was one of those sports you can actually, so it's kind of sad when you think about it. But now I love the game team sports played, you know, growing up and all that kind of stuff.
But, uh, the truth of the matter is it was my sanctuary and there's a deeply emotional thing for me, which is. It kept me away. Like I've never smoked, never done drugs, I've never even tasted alcohol. I'd be the guy that at two in the morning, I'm, instead of at the club, I'm shooting hoops. Right? Like that's, so, it just kept me grounded and focused in other areas.
Um, and so I feel like basketball saved my life, um, in all reality.
Courtney Turich: Thank you for sharing that. That's re very impactful in itself right there. And you know, Stephen, so as I go back to this conversation, you left so many gems for everyone here, including myself, to remind everybody, be a chameleon. And that doesn't mean to be fake.
It means to be yourself, adapt to environments, adapt to different changes in life. Remember, hurt people can heal people and last, know what you're good at and if it's something you wanna move forward with, know how to monetize it. Explore options. But at the end of the day, we all have to be the best versions of ourselves because that's how we can relate the best with others.
So as we walk away here today, what would you like to leave everyone with?
Stephen Oommen: I think you said it right at the end, be the best version of yourself. Hashtag mamba mentality.
Courtney Turich: I love it. I love it. So if anybody wants to find you, where's the best place to go?
Stephen Oommen: Yeah, go to LinkedIn. I do have open messaging, so if you just type my name in, you'll see the basketball at the front of my name.
Whether you follow me, connect with me, you know, you can se send me a message, but that's the best way to reach me, um, and check out my content and also be, uh, made aware of when the book's gonna be released and as, as we work on that project.
Courtney Turich: I'm so excited for your book, and I can't thank you enough, Stephen, for being here today and to my entire audience, remember, be bold, be confident, and be you.
Thanks.
